Am I boring you? I feel boring. And lame. Maybe the problem is I think too much about what someone will think of what I write…but then why am I asking what you think then? Conundrum.

Also, I’m already tired of this new layout. And I need to make a banner for the top of the page. Everything looks so uninteresting.

If I’m being honest, I think my dissatisfaction with everything is because I know I’m not pushing myself as much as I should…in a lot of ways.

I put off creating more art, or promoting the art I already have available. Since last December, business started picking up, but interest is slowly dying off again as I sit here stewing in ideas instead of creating more work.

I put off losing weight. I gained 30 pounds during this pregnancy, on top of 40 pounds I already needed to lose. I lost some of the baby weight, but I’m still pushing 200 pounds, and even on a tallish 5’9″ frame, that’s a lot of weight. I don’t even care so much about the number (well, I do care some), it’s the fact that I feel unhealthy and I look unhealthy. While I’ve cut out all dairy and gluten (for the sake of Oliver’s tummy, but they’re also foods that make me bloated and heavy), I’ve started baking sweets every week. I love them too much, so I eat them too much.

I miss being able to wear cute clothes. I find my current “wardrobe” (if you can call it that) thoroughly discouraging. I have one pair of jeans, a few dress, and a few shirts that still fit. They are all getting old and worn out, so I feel old and worn out.

If I could, I would dress like this:

Another problem is that I’m starting to feel spiritually stagnant. For something I claim to be the biggest part of my life, I sure haven’t been dedicating much time to it, which is obviously pretty hypocritical. I’ve gotten out of the habit of daily devotions and prayer. It’s something I’m working on, but I have a long way to go. Last night I found the perfect opportunity to fit in some prayer time is while nursing Oliver in the wee hours of the morning. Next up is regular church attendance, and hopefully find a bible study to be part of again.

Well, in baby news, Oliver is as awesome as always. But, you know, I’ll always think that.

We’ve both fallen in love with his Moby Wrap these past few weeks. Once he’s in there it only takes a few minutes before he’s fast asleep. I love snuggling him close while out walking or shopping, yet having my hands free.

He’s started hold his head more steady and pushing himself up for longer periods of time. Still no more army crawling, but he’s working on it 🙂

His grip is getting pretty strong now, too. I looked over the other day and he had snatched his toy right off the bouncer chair!

(for some reason I look at this photo and imagine him saying in a deep voice “Yo, this is my elephant”)

And there you have it, that’s what’s on my mind today.