Food: 1/5
Service: 2/5
Attitude: 2/5
Cleanliness: 4/5

So, my friend Kelley and I were driving down Bumby on our way to Pom Pom’s for lunch because I still have not tried their much recommended sandwiches.

As we were about to pull into the parking lot I spotted a small restaurant hiding behind a bookstore and, since we both love to find tiny restaurants with great authentic food, we decided to try it out.

We arrived at noon and were seated immediately (I was surprised since the restaurant seats only 25 customers and I assumed there would be a lunch rush).

(this is about half the restaurant right here)

We were given menus and a few moments later our waitress came to take our order. We chose the items we wanted and both asked for a glass of water to drink. We were then told it had to be bottled because they don’t serve water. When I inquired why, we were told something along the lines of “Oh, this is a small restaurant, we don’t have room for a big filtration machine!”.

Excuse me, but slap a darn Brita filter attachment on your sink and offer paying customers a simple glass of water. I have never in my life heard of a restaurant that did not offer customers water. Even McDonalds will give it to you for free! The small Dasani bottles we were made to purchase were $1.25 each.

(Frog paintings cover every wall. It’s definitely…colorful, but I refused to photograph the disturbing portrait of “frog people” on the canvas behind our table)

I ordered the Quesadilla – A hand made tortilla folded in half and stuffed with mexican cheese, chipotle, onions, and shredded chicken ($5.50).

Nowhere on the menu did it tell me the quesadilla is deep fried. I was actually a little disgusted when fifteen minutes later it was brought to the table and a greasy looking sponge was glistening up at me.

Now, I’ve been witness to ugly food that is actually delicious, so I still had high hopes for a great meal.

It was, however, not a great meal.

(I forgot to take a picture as soon as it arrived so this is all I have to show)

The quesadilla itself was dripping in grease and simply tasted of oil. The filling had absolutely no flavor except for a slight smokiness from the chipotle peppers and the only thing that even made it edible was dipping it in the tomatillo sauce that added some one-dimensional spiciness.

Meanwhile, Kelley continued to wait for her food as I finished mine (at her insistence! My momma did teach me manners!).

And she waited….and she waited…and continued waiting as the couple seated five minutes after use received both of their meals. At the same time.

Finally, 16 minutes after I had been served, Kelley was given her dish of Chilaquiles – Fried tortilla chips topped with tomatilla sauce, shredded chicken, onions, sour cream, and fresco cheese ($7).

The server mumbled an apology and briefly told us they had to remake her meal because they got it wrong the first time (she had ordered her sans sour cream).

Kelley and I lamented the fact that, despite the open kitchen being a mere six feet away from our table, no one had at any point checked on us or let us know why her food had not arrived. Also, instead of remaking her meal right away, they chose to first make two meals for customers that ordered after us.

And here you go. As if my dish hadn’t been unappetizing enough, Kelley was served limp corn chips (I hate even calling them “chips” because it implies some sort of crispness) with bone dry chicken shreds. I’m not trying to exaggerate for effect, these really were oil logged tortilla chips with a bit of fresco, and chicken. And once again, no flavor besides the tomatillo sauce.

This pretty much sums up our dining experience at El Coqui:

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