Concerning our inevitable demise…

I really hate funerals. I’m glad I won’t have to be at my own. I’ve only attended funerals twice, and they were for people I barely knew, but I still cried both times. I didn’t cry because I was sad about the person passing. Instead, I always end up thinking about how it affects the family and friends. Like the parents, and how much they’ll miss their son, and how they’ll never get to see him fall in love, or get married, or have kids. His sister will never be able to share that inside joke with him, and she’ll know that no one else will ever understand how funny that thing was, that one time at that place, because you just had to be there to get it.

I’ve decided that I never want a funeral. Instead, I want my family and friends to throw a big huge party in celebration of me. Death is really the only time you can be completely selfish about people showing up just for you and know that almost everyone invited will be there (as a sense of obligation tends to be quite a successful motivator is getting people to do what you want).

I’ll make it a costume party, where no one is allowed to attend unless dressed in proper attire. I’m not sure yet if I’ll set a theme or just let everyone pick the outfits for themselves. Maybe “The 1920’s” would be fun. All the women looking like flappers, all the men in top hats and tails.

Better yet, I’ll theme it “Citizens of the Future”, with guys is spacesuits, and girls in cocktail dresses made out of space blankets. Maybe someone will even dress like Rosie the robot from the Jetsons. Everything would be blue and silver and everyone would be drinking sparkling beverages out of chilled martini glasses.

It may be kind of morbid, but I think about the deaths of people I care about pretty often. I’ve realized it’s not really because of a concern for them (though I have a lot of concern for them, of course), it’s that selfishly, I just want more of their time. I never think “Well, they won’t be able to do this or that when they’re gone”. What I’m really thinking is “I’m not going to be able to this or that with them when they’re gone”. Maybe that makes me a sort of horrible person, or maybe it’s a pretty common thing to think, or maybe we’re all just sort of horrible people. Or maybe it’s none of those things and it’s just late, and I’m just typing whatever I’m thinking and none of this really means anything, and it’s just words for the sake of words, and thoughts for the sake of thoughts.

I think I’ll just go with the latter.

P.S. There’s no particular reason for the talk of funerals. I don’t plan on dying anytime soon.

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